Why Do People Get Sad on Their Birthday?

That wave of sadness that engulfs you on your birthday is such a common phenomenon, humans have even coined a name for it.

The Birthday Blues.

Friends, social media posts, and the confessions of strangers on the internet: You’ll find this phenomenon spreads far and wide.

There was, of course, a time when birthday celebrations weren’t a thing. There were times when humans didn’t have calendars — let alone organise a routine celebration every 365 days from the day of one’s birth.

But birthdays have since become a well-established tradition. The idea of birthday cakes was brought about by the Germans in the 18th century, whilst the most recognised song in the English language — the Happy Birthday song — first appeared in print in 1912.

The Birthday Blues are likely something you can relate to. Personally, I have had many people express such feelings to me on their birthdays, and I myself was always guaranteed to feel at least some sense of existential angst on all the birthdays I had from the age of 13.

But this year, today, no such Birthday Blues are here to cause me unease.

What changed? Today, has been particularly satisfying because it has reaffirmed a principle I have found to be true since the earliest days of my consciousness:

Unless the root — the heart — of the problem is dealt with, you will go nowhere. You will simply barter with yourself to trade one set of problems for another.

I was also once bound to the Birthday Blues, and would further feel the some build-up of anxiety in the few days prior. It might seem reasonable, perhaps even advisable, to opt for the coping mechanism you’d expect society to shill:

“It’s okay. Your birthday only happens once every year. A lot of people feel these blues. You’ll get over it.”

And, indeed, you will get over it. Honestly, for most people, birthday blues just aren’t a big deal. At worst, you might not feel good for a week or two… and then you get over it…

But they’ll come again next year. And the next. And the next…

For me, the desire to understand the root cause of Birthday Blues — and thereby acquire freedom from them — was motivated by two reasons. First, it is a point of intrigue that captures my curiosity. It interests me why human beings — the architects of this very tradition — can slip into such a state of sadness on a day that is otherwise generally associated with positivity. Second, this problem, as mentioned, is one I would occasionally battle. The scientists suggest I’ve got around 80 more birthdays till I arrive at a natural death, so seeking a permanent cure to this recurring problem seems like a fitting use of time.

So, what’s going on here? Why do we have a tendency to feel sad on our birthdays?

It is on their birthday that a human being is acutely reminded of the fact they are this entity moving through time. And the time they have is limited: You have moved one year closer to your guaranteed death.

This sharp reminder of your finite life, however, is hardly the whole story. There’s something more that’s causing you to feel unnerved…

How can I be so sure? Put candidly, your life just isn’t that good (or at least not as good as you would have others believe). You can smile at your partner and tell jokes at work, but you know the harsh truth about how ‘good’ your life really is. Indeed, and as such, one might even argue your increased awareness of your transient life might actually provide a source of comfort.

What a relief! Instead of letting the idea of death upset you, would it not make more sense to let it comfort you? Is it not liberating to know this struggle-laden existence is one day going to end? Is it not a relief to know that this thing called you — and all the stresses of your life — will permanently come to an end?

You wish it were that easy. You wish you could just flip a switch and see things in a different light, but life is not so simple.

The Birthday Blues are, foremost, the product of reflecting on time and the ego. Time is running out, and you don’t seem to be arriving at the place you want to go. Perhaps over this past year you got promoted, found a partner, and got in shape… or perhaps the opposite of all those things.

Yet, none of it has really done anything, has it?

It’s almost as though you spent the last year clearing up litter from a long street, only for a dumpster truck to drop an avalanche of rubbish on your birthday.

On your birthday, you realise: Whatever you’ve been doing, it doesn’t seem to be working. The realisation encompasses all aspects of your life. You may have changed the way you look, think, and eat, but you’re none the wiser.

The birthday is such a fantastic orchestrator of an existential crisis because it forces you to confront the entirety of you. Whereas another long day at work or a heated argument with your partner might cause you to question your choices and experience in that specific domain, your birthday causes you to question the whole of your self.

Because — guess what — when you die, the whole of you will die. It won’t just be the person you are at work or the person you are at home, but all versions of your self.

Let me ask you this:

If you had everything you ever wanted, would you still feel the birthday blues?

(The question might seem pointless because being immune to the birthday blues is probably something you’d have in your list.)

But it also alludes to another point: You are, at core, a hungry and dissatisfied human. If you weren’t, why would death or your birthday cause you unease? It is only because you think you haven’t gotten all the things you want from life — and might never get them in time — that you feel this sense of angst.

Suppose it’s your birthday now. What are you thinking about? Is it how you didn’t make the amount of money you thought you would? How you didn’t end up winning the award you worked so hard for? The fact you’re still single?

When human beings give things a name, it’s as though we are trying to trick ourselves into making the problem seem smaller than it really is. By synthetically confining an issue within our complex psyche to a simple definitional term, we lie to ourselves. We think: “Oh, what I’m feeling today is just the ‘Birthday Blues.’ This problem has a name and is a common thing, so it’s probably got an easy solution. Maybe I should speak to a friend, a therapist, or read some article on how I can get over it.”

But, the reality, as you will find, is far more nuanced.

There is no 3-step guide or quick fix. The existential dread and anxiety that is born from the Birthday Blues are rooted deeply within your constructed self. Your birthday acts as a reminder that this self will one day die — and your time on Earth will conclude before you found all the things you yearned for.

You can’t cheat life. If you spend 364 days of the year jumping from desire to desire, problem to problem, anxiety to anxiety — without ever understanding the root causes behind anything — is it really a surprise that you get the Birthday Blues? Is it really a surprise that your rate of ageing and impending death make you feel disturbed?

No. In fact, what’s surprising is that you don’t question the state of your existence more often.

You won’t cure yourself of the Birthday Blues — or any other problem in your life — until you sincerely examine their true causes. So, why don’t we humans just do that?

It’s because it’s hard, and we live a distraction-filled existence. We are more focused on finding the latest quick fix, or focusing on the next thing rather than understanding where we are at and why we are here. The ghosts won’t stop haunting you until you exorcize them completely.

Don’t hope to develop an immunity to the Birthday Blues; instead, hope to feel the existential dread they bring you on not one — but every day of the year.

Because then your hand will be forced to engage in some sincere introspection. Then, my friend, you find permanent freedom from your problems.