There Are No Good or Bad Manners

Commuters of London’s famed red buses know there are two types of people that exit the bus. Those who thank the driver as they leave, and, those who do not.

Why do some people thank the driver? It is just good manners, right? One is expressing gratitude to another. This is selfless thinking, right?

The truth is that man cares for no one other than himself. When he thanks the driver, he is indeed thinking of himself.

Perhaps he thinks: I am a model citizen; I will thank the driver like the polite, model citizen that I am.

Perhaps he thinks: I must not seem rude in front of others; I will thank the driver to avoid looking discourteous.

A man feels pressure to adhere to certain mannerisms because of the implications it has on his image. Everything always comes back to self-image.

Everything.

This is not ‘good’ or ‘bad’: Such characterisations are meaningless. What must be observed, however, is that the very existence of self-image, and the pressures that go into maintaining it, invariably lead a man down the same road.

The road of anxiety and suffering.

Observe people going about their day. The things they say. The way they say them. How they move.

Whirring and spinning, the mind is overclocked. The right tone of voice, the right facial expressions, the right attitude: The computations run endlessly to ensure a perfect symphony is being heard by others.

Does this mean we must become rude? Spit at each other? Shout over one another? Hurl insults? No.

The truth is this: When a man is at peace, he has no need for others to observe particular manners. Politeness and rudeness both have zero gravity. And, if an entire society is at peace, the perfection of each interaction is always ensured, before it even takes place.

Only in the face of turmoil does the need for manners arise. Turmoil that tells a man he must be perceived and looked upon in a certain way. And that others must observe such practices too.

When there are no images — no falsehoods — to maintain, there is no need to prescribe such behaviour.

If something exists to support falsehood, can it be ‘good?’ At the same time, humans practice these things out of choice; thus, can it really be ‘bad?’

I have already noted the emptiness of these terms.

Let the need for following manners be understood for what they are: Another tool to advance self-image. Another thing man has convinced himself to be necessary. Another bar forming the prison cell of the mind.