The Problem Is Never the Problem

I was sat on the bus, just about to end my phone call. This phone call could’ve, and should’ve, concluded much earlier.

As I looked through the front window from the top deck, I saw I had just missed my connecting bus.

Now, this was obviously no great tragedy. I would just need to get off now, and wait for the next bus. Albeit, I would now need to wait with the realisation that, had I been more attentive and ended this phone call earlier, I could’ve caught the earlier bus.

Life is full of ‘could’ves,’ ‘would’ves,’ and ‘should’ves.’ When something relatively minor goes awry, the frustration is short-lived. One does not need to ‘deal’ with the afflictions of such an event because the negative feelings briskly leave by themselves.

However, when something more significant goes wrong, the barracks are emptied.

Stress management. Self-help books. Therapy. Meditation. ‘Looking on the bright side of life.’ An arsenal of weaponry is unsheathed to terminate the feelings that arose from the problem.

Missing the bus hardly sparks an ember. But a significant financial loss may burn you. Losing your child to a preventable accident may have you feeling as though you are being dipped headfirst into a bubbling volcano.

Your mind won’t stop sprinting. You may find moments of distraction, but then it hits. It hits you, again, like a truck.

All things you could’ve done. All the things you should’ve done. All the things you were so close to doing. All the things that were so close to happening.

Do you want all the pain to end right now? Do you want the remedy that works instantly? Do you want to be free of this suffering both now, and, forever?

Let me also say this: The remedy I talk of doesn’t involve any form of medication, outside counsel, or a lifetime to cultivate. This remedy can be had instantly.

I will tell you what it is. The remedy is a realisation; it is realising that:

What you believe to be the problem is not the problem. It never is.

The problem is you. It’s always you.

Let me explain.

You have views on how things should be in your life. How you should look. How much wealth you should have. What sort of people you should associate with. Etc.

You have these views, and you cannot let go of them.

What is the essence of every problem? It is when something in our life plays out contrary to our wishes. As noted earlier, when the mishap is viewed as something minor, the pain dissolves fairly quickly. A spilt drink; a stain on your shirt; missing the bus. You don’t really ‘deal’ with these things because they’re never much of a problem to begin with.

But your house collapsing due to a flood, the death of a loved one, or being victim to an assault: You will say these things are different beasts altogether. They are amongst the real tragedies of life. They cannot be compared to missing the bus.

Why not?

The only thing that distinguishes the pain of missing the bus from the pain of losing a loved one is the amount of significance you attach to the objects in question. If you miss the bus, another will come; perhaps you will be late to your destination, but you say: “Oh well.”

On the other hand, your loved one will not be replaced. They have left forever. You may replace the time you spent with them with other activities, but you’ll never regain their company.

The name of the game is attachment. You feel pain based on your level of attachment to something.

Now, by this point, you may be feeling troubled. Am I suggesting that you should free yourself from all attachments? That you should be equally indifferent to everything?

I will never suggest you do anything. And, even if you tried to do the above, you would not succeed.

I will simply say things for what they are. You cannot escape the truth. And the truth is that you always feel the pain of ‘could’ve,’ ‘would’ve,’ ‘should’ve,’ and everything else in life so as long as you attach even an iota of value and significance to anything.

The solutions people pursue for their problems are nonsense. Meditation, therapy, stress management: All this stuff is complete nonsense. It is just something people do because the actual remedy is too painful. Too unthinkable.

If you don’t care about missing the bus, it will cause no pain. There is nothing you did prior or after the event to avoid pain. Pain failed to arrive because you didn’t care about missing the bus.

There are no solutions to problems. There are no ‘techniques’ that will free you from the suffering of life.

All pain and suffering will go away on its own — once you understand the true nature of your problem — and divorce yourself from the part of you that caused it. When that part of you dies, so does the problem. So does the pain. All on its own.

You and your attachments are always the cause of all your problems. It’s never about ‘could’ve,’ ‘would’ve,’ or ‘should’ve.’ It’s never about how things may have gone differently.

It’s always about you.

Now, I will share some empathy with you. To divorce yourself from all the parts of you that cause problems in your life is the hardest thing you can do. In fact, it is so hard, the very idea of doing this stretches beyond the comprehension of most minds.

Each problem is its own Everest. Each problem requires a sincere journey toward trying to understand the very root of it. Because it is only through uncovering the root of the problem that one can develop the requisite indifference to eradictae it.

The conclusion of each journey you take bestows upon you the greatest treasure you can imagine. A treasure money can’t buy. A treasure no one and nothing else can give you.

Freedom. The permanent termination of whatever pained you.

No greater thing exists on this Earth.